One time, the Karate ninja was the only one home. And Michael was there too.
RULE 1 OF WRITING: Be concise, specific, and clear.
The Karate ninja and Michael said "I'm gettin' bored, ah wish there was somethin' to do."
Man, what're the chances they'd BOTH channel the same hillbilly ghost?
But then the whole place stirred. It was a tornado! But not your usual tornado, it was the white tornado. and here's the song of the white tornado, everybody!
[!NOTE! What follows is the ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT of my grandmother attempting to interpret a six-year-old me singing THIS SONG: ]
DADIDLEDEEDEE, DANING, DADDIDDLELEE, DEET, DEET
The white tornado was attacking them really good. The karate ninja and Michael, they couldn't stop it. So, they tried to make it stop, but they failed. So they went outside and found lots of bad guys. Robot bad guys.
This is what Oklahoma looked like after the November 7th tornado this year.
The karate ninja and Michael had to destroy them. But there was this big robot bad guy. And he shot fire balls. He had no hands, just legs, and he had a gun in his mouth!
"I know you have no hands, robot...but you still have a lot to live for!"
And his fire balls, they bounced off every surface and it was really hard to blast the fireballs and stop em! But Michael shot him with one blast from his plasma gun and POOF! He was gone!
...okay, so one blast doesn't sound really hard, I know. But you know what? I don't see you fighting robots with plasma guns.
They were trying to find out what started the whole storm, and when they got to the bad guy castle they found where the storm was being cast out of. They found out who cast the spell. And you know what did it? A white clear ball cast the whole storm.
PICTURED: The ORB OF GLOBAL WARMING.
It had tough magic. It was so hard for the karate ninja and Michael to fight them. Then, there were also cobra snakes. and then, the tiger Egyptian bad guy showed up. His name was TIGER ZORG.
TIGER ZORG: Billionaire, oil tycoon, and champion racquetball player.
The TIGER ZORG had a sword, named Sheba, and when the TIGER ZORG faced the bottom of the handle of the sword Sheba could talk. And it could guide him.
"CRUSH THEM WITH THE INFINITE BLADE TECHNIQUE. Also, pick up some milk on the way home from work."
With that sword, TIGER ZORG would be impossible to stop. Because that sword had the strongest guide.
PICTURED: Not the strongest guide.
But when the Karate ninja used both of their weapons, they were really strong. Michael shot with his plasma cannon and the karate ninja threw an object.
AN OBJECT!!!!!!!
The karate ninja threw the ball, which you could use over and over again.
The karate ninja's hidden technique stems from his company softball team.
They defeated the cobra snakes and then they broke TIGER ZORG in half! Then they went home. But then they found this little basket with a cobra inside. Just a small cobra. but they didn't know there was a cobra, so they tried to pick it up. But then, the cobra came out and got them. They used their weapons against the cobra, and they managed to get it. It was a baby cobra, but really tough. It was the strongest baby cobra.
YEARS of cobra genetic engineering and research, WASTED!
So they fought TIGER ZORG and destroyed his white clear ball. He said "NOOOOO" and got destroyed. and they beat him.
And thus ended EVERY PROBLEM.
Then they went back home and opened presents.
That's THE END.
This is [NAME REDACTED] signing off. Goodnight.
[[BEHIND THE SCENES: The "ball" is actually a weapon from a game called Titus the fox, which my stepfather and I played through together when we lived in Seattle. It was as badass as it sounds. Sadly, the company behind it went under in the last few years. RIP my childhood.
So, here ends the Karate Ninja's story. I've run out of old tales to retell. Will the Karate Ninja ever come back? Did Michael overcome alcoholism? What the fuck happened to all those cats? And why did Megaman sell out to THE MAN so hard? Perhaps, in time, these questions will be answered. For now however, the story is over.
This is [Name Redacted] signing off. Goodnight.]]
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